Bài chữa w91- buổi 7/9/2015

 

Family has the most powerful influence on a child's development (1). Firstly, the development of a child's physical depends on the financial condition of the family (2). A affluent family affords to buy the food with a high nutritional value for their child (3). Thus, a child in that will develop physical better than a child in a indigent family (4). Secondly, a child's behaviour is influced on the behaviour of the family (5). When living in a hormonious family, they will learn how to behave correctly with everyone (6). Whereas, in a inharmonious family, a child tends to violent with people (7).

(1) OK
(2) physical à the physical development of a child (physical is an adjective)
(3) the food à foods
     a high nutritional value à high nutritional values
(4) in that family
     develop à will be physically better
    an indigent
(5) influced on à influenced by
(6) hormonious? àharmonious (revise meaning)
(7) whereas à meanwhile (there’s no comma after whereas)

Ngô Huy Đông

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that several factors such as television, friends and music affect the development of a child (1).

Firstly, we have some fascinating Tv programs such as Discovery Channel and reality television series for children (2). Those programs provide a huge source of knowledge about the environment around them, so they can learn many things while watching television (3).

Secondly, music is likely to help children improve the language (4). When they listen to music, they tend to imitate sounds quickly and accurately (5). Thus, the children might learn how to pronounce and this help to improve the sources of vocabulary is more diverse (6).

Finally, friends help them to develop social skills (7). They can make conversations with each other while they spend time chatting with their friends (8).

(1) several factors, such as television, friends and music, affecting … (wrong use of relative clause)
(2) programs à channels (Discovery Channel is a ‘channel’, not a ‘program’)
(3) OK
(4) the language àlanguage skills
(5) OK
(6) the children àchildren
the sources of vocabulary is more diverse à the sources of vocabulary (two verbs in the same sentence)
(7) OK
(8) OK

Trần Thị Hải Yến

On the other hand, I side with those who claim that other factors such as television, music and friends also have profound influences on the development of a child (1). Primarily, television is a valuable source of information for children (2). By watching Discovery Channel, they can acquire new knowledge about the life of wild animals (3). In addition, music helps children to stimulate the language skills (4). When children listen to a song, they have tendency to imitate the rhythm and lyrics (5). As the result, their pronunciation and lexical resource would be improved considerably (6). Furthermore, socializing with friends plays an important role on developing the social skills of children (7). A child who rarely relate to his peers often lack in essential skills such as teamwork and communication skills in the future (8).

(1) other factors, such as … and friends, (use comma before such as)
(2, 3) OK
(4) the language skills à language skills or their language skills
(5) tendency à a tendency (tendency is countable)
(6) OK
(7) plays an important role on à an important role in
the social skills à social skills
(8) relate à relates
lack in à lacks (S-V agreement, lack sth)

Minh Hiền

 Familise have the most powerful influence on a child's development (1). Firstly, the behaviour's family has a profound effect on a child's behaviour (2). A happy family is the foundation of the child's obedient (3). In contrast, a unhappy family means that parents are always fighting each other, a child tends to violent with everyone (4). Secondly, the financial condition of the family influences a child's development (5). The haves afford to create the conditions for the child's development (6). For example, a child living in an affluent family will be provided the source of nutritive better than one living in a indigent family (7).

(1) families
(2) the behavior of a family
(3) the child’s obedient à a child’s obedience
(4) fighting against each other
then a child tends to be violent …
(5) OK
(6) revise the whole sentence. Wrong spelling. Can’t understand what you want to say.
(7) will be provided with a better source of nutrition (provide sb with sth)
an indigent

Phùng Quang Đại

On the one hand, there are those who argue that a family has a profound effect on the development of a child (1). Firstly, the physical development depends on the financial conditions of a family (2). An affluent family is likely to provide more good nutrition for a child than an indigent one (3). Therefore, it is more confident for a child who is in prosperous family to increase the height and the weight than the destitute one (4). Secondly, a family has the powerful influence on the behaviour development of a child (5). For instance, a child living in a family whose members brawl each other has more tendency to develop violent behaviour as in the case of my brother’s family (6).

(1) a family àfamily
(2) the financial conditions à financial conditions
(3) OK
(4) it is more confident à it is more likely
in a prosperous (lack article ‘a’)
the height and the weight à height and weight
(5) the powerful influence à a powerful influence
(6) has more tendency à has a higher tendency (tendency is countable)
behavior à behaviors

Lê Thanh Hà

On the one hand, there are those who agree that a family has a profound effect on the development of a child (1). Firstly, the physical development of children depends on the finances of their families (2). They will be comprehensively brought up by their parents (3). For example, if a child lives with an affluent family, he will be cared for in nutrients much better than one living in an indigent family (4). Secondly, families pave the way for the behaviour of children (5). Children have the tendency to imitate what they see (6). For instance, if their parents are always fighting with each other, the children tend to show violent actions (7). In contrast, one child knows how to treat people living around as a result of the happy family in which all of the members of the family live in harmony (8).

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5) OK
(6) the tendency à a tendency
(7) OK
(8) a happy family

Đoàn Thủy

On the other hand, I side with those believe that the child-rearing is mostly impacted by the family (1). Firstly, the physical heath of a child depends on the financial condition of each family (2). For example, the diet of children born in affluent families are often more nutritious than that of who lives in the have-nots (3). Secondly, families have a profound influence on children's behavior (4). Children who live with harmonious relationship among family members tend to behave properly while the others who find themselves in conflict with family relation are often violent (5).

(1) OK
(2) OK
(3) is often more nutritious (the diet … is)
(4) behaviors
(5) the others àothers
family relation à their families

 Nguyễn Liên

On the other hand, there are those who argue that families have profound effects on the development of a child (1). Firstly, the behaviour of a child depends on family members' manners (2). Children tend to copy gestures and conversations from their parents (3). As the result, a family whose members get on with each other is highly beneficial to the awareness of a child (4). Secondly, families have a profound impact on the physical development of a child (5). It is not surprising that children from wealthy families might be in a better condition to develop the physique than from the indigent (6). This means a child might be provided nutrition for the body in the best way (7).

(1, 2, 3) OK
(4) as the result à as a result
(5) OK
(6) than those from indigent families
(7) a child’s body

Dương Minh Đức

On the one hand, there are those who argue that child development is mostly influenced by their family (1). Firstly, the physical growth of a child is decided by what they eat and drink every day (2). These food is brought base on finance development of their family (3). An example is parents living under red line can not buy enough food for their children (4). As a result, their son will not healthy like sons of affluent people (5). Secondly, one’s behavior is considerably affected by members of his family (6). To be more specific, some researches showed that: a child tent to act exactly the same thing that his parent do (7). For example, a child living under domestic violence would seem savage when growing up (8).

(1) a child’s development
by his family (a child --- their)
(2) OK
(3) these foods are bought based on the financial development …
(4) under the red line
cannot
(5) will not be healthy
(6) OK
(7) some researches show that a child tends to act the same as what his parents do
(8) OK

Lê Quang Thanh

There are several factors that the family affects a child’s development (1). Firstly, the physical development of a child depends on the family’s condition (2). The condition economics of affluent families are better than that of indigent families (3). Thus, the child who lives in the haves has been taken better care of full nutrition than that of the have- nots (4). This will make the child stronger and heavier (5). Secondly, the behavior of family’s members have an influence on the behavior of a child (6). The child who was born and grew up in the good education of a family tends to develop their positive behaviors (7). However, the child living in the conflict family with each other will show violent actions (8).

(1) family
(2) OK
(3) the economic condition … is better (economic is an adjective)
(4) taken à received
(5) OK
(6) behaviors (plural)
(7) A child … in good education provided by his family
(8) a child living in a family whose members have conflicts with each other

Nguyễn Duy Dũng

On the one hand, there are those who argue that the development of children can be significantly affected by the family (1). Firstly, the growth of a child depends on the finance condition of the family (2). If parents have high incomes, their children will be provided more nutritious food (3). Thus, the children of affluent families tend to be healthier than those of indigent households (4). Secondly, the family members can influence to children’s personality (5). Children often tend to imitate the manner of their parents (6). For example, when a child lives in the family that parents have the standard of behaviors, they are likely to have good behavior and attitudes (7).

(1) family
(2) the financial condition (finance is not an adjective)
(3) will be provided with (provide sb with sth)
(4) OK
(5) family members
can influence children’s personality
(6) OK
(7) a family in which/where parents …
good behaviors (plural)

Hoàng Yến Chi

On the other hand, I side with the people claim that other factors like music, television and friends influence the growth of a child (1). Firstly, television programmes enrich the knowledge of a child (2). There are several programmes about the natural world, fun science that lend themselves to children (3). By watching television, children may achieve other learning that teachers do not teach them at school (4). Secondly, it is believed that music develops the children’s language ability (5). While listen to a song, they tend to mimic and memory the lyric (6). Therefore, they may learn new words and improve their listening skill (7). Lastly, friends have a huge effect on a child’s characteristics (8). Today, children spend more time with friends than with their parents (9). If they play and study with good friends, they tend to have correct behavior (10).

(1) with people claiming/who claim that (wrong use of article and relative clause)
(2, 3) OK
(4) children may acquire other knowledge (wrong use of ‘learning’)
(5) children’s language ability (wrong use of article ‘the’)
(6) while listening (while + clause/ V-ing)
the lyrics (plural)
(7) OK
(8) characteristics à character
(9, 10) OK

Hoàng Phương Linh

On the other hand, it seems to me that families factor tend to have dominant effect on a child-rearing (1). Firstly, the financial condition of the family is evidently crucial for the physical development of a child (2). That an affluent family affords to buy nutrient-rich foods allows their children healthier and stronger than an indigent’s ones (3). Secondly, parent’s habits and attitudes contribute accidentally to their offspring’s behavior (4). Children who live in a harmonious family will have good behavior (5). Conversely, if children live with parents who are often fighting each other, they tend to violent to be violent people (6).

(1) families à family
dominant effect à dominant effects
a child-rearing àchild-rearing
(2) OK
(3) allows their children to be healthier (allow sb to do sth)
than an indigent’s ones à than those from indigent ones
(4) accidentally contribute
(5) behavior (behaviors)
(6) fighting against each other
tend to become violent people

Ngô Thị Tố Uyên

On the other hand. I side with those believe that the child - rearing is motly impacted the family (1).

Fistly, the physical development of children depends on the finances of their families (2). For example , a child living in a affuent family will be provided the source of nutritive better than that of who lives in the have – nots (3). Secondly, the behaviour of a child will be created by the behaviour of family's members (4). When a child living in a peace home, they will have property behavio ur (5). Contrary, if their parient are always fithty with each other, the children tend to show violent actions (6).

(1) the child-rearing àchild-rearing
impacted by the family
(2) OK
(3) an affluent
will be provided with a source of nutrition
(4) his family’s members
(5) peace à peaceful
will have proper behaviors
(6) On the contrary
parents
fighting

Tạ Ngọc Thạch

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that other factors, such as TV, music and friends, have bigger effects on a child’s development (1). Firstly, TV plays an important role in enlarging a child’s knowlegde (2). For example, educational TV channels might provide a child with information about phenomenons and stuffs around the world (3). Secondly, music affects a child’s development of language (4). While listening to a song, a child can sing along and know more words in the lyrics (5). Finally, friends have huge effects on a child’s development of social skills (6). Today, children tend to spend more time to talk and play with their friends rather than with their parents, so their peers may teach them more about the surrounding environment (7). This help a child learn how to communicate and interact with other children (8).

(1, 2) OK
(3) ‘stuffs’ should be obliterated (informal)
(4, 5, 6) OK
(7) spend more time talking and playing (spend time doing sth)
(8) help à helps 

Trần Hoàng Khánh

 Some people are of the opinion that the impacts of families stand out as being more crucial on the development of a child than the rest (1). Firstly, the financial conditions of the family play an important role in how a child is brought up (2). Children in affluent families are inherited a better child-rearing with regard to the comprehensive education and nutrition than the others who was born in indigent families (3). Secondly, the behaviour of members in the family have significant effects of forming child's habits and personality (4). For instance, children living in a happy family tend to have proper behaviours when communicating with people around in comparison with their peer living in a family where conflicts regularly happens between members (5).

(1) some people are for the opinion that …
(2) the family à a family
(3) who were born
(4) effects on forming a child’s habits … (to have an effect on sth/wrong use of article ‘the’)
(5) peer à peers
happens à happen

Nghiêm Tùng Sơn

On the other hand, I side with those believe that families have the most powerful influence on child’s development (1). Primarily, families have a significant impact on the physical growth of the children (2). Only when parents have the sufficient source of income can they afford to buy enough nutritious food (3). To be more specific, because of the indigent life in many African countries, Africa is the area that has the highest rate of malnutrition in children in the world (4). In addition, children’s behavior can be formed through the family life (5). Children are in the habit of aping the grown-ups (6). Therefore, family members, who are the closest people to children, are the most effective example for them (7).

(1) on a child’s development
(2) OK
(3)have a sufficient source of income
food à foods
(4, 5, 6, 7) OK

Vu Minh Anh:

There are several benefits of things that social factor such as TV, music and friends impact on a child's development (1).

Fristly, TV can help a child explore their knowledge (2). For example, a child normally like watching wide world on TV that will teach them about animal life (3).

Secondly, music plays an importance to develop childrend's language (4). This is because, childrend often sing to imitate singers when they listening music (5). Thus, they can learn vocabulary and pronunciation (6).

(1) several benefits that social factors …
impact a child’s development (to impact sth/ to have an impact on sth)
(2) OK
(3) normally likes (a child)
wide world à wildlife?
(4) plays an important role in developing …
(5) this is because children often sing … when they listen (no comma after because / wrong use of present tense)
(6) OK

Đặng Tuyết Trinh

On the other hand, there are those who agree that a family has a profound effect on the development of a child (1). Firstly, the physical development of children depends on the financial of their families (2). An affluent family will provide more nutrients for children than indigent family (3). Secondly, children's behavior condition on the behavior of family members (4). Children are always learning for what they see (5). The children living in peace families would be better than the children living in disagreement families (6).

(1) a family àfamily
(2) financial àfinancial conditions
(3) than an indigent one
(4) OK
(5) always learn from (‘are always learning’ has a negative meaning)
(6) peace à peaceful
in families with many disagreements

Trần Linh

On the other hand, there are those who argue that a family has a profound effect on a child (1). Firstly, families have a significant impact on the physical growth of the children (2). In order to bring up their sons or daughters, almost parents sacrifice a part of their income for buying milk, food and clothes (3). Besides, children’s behaviors have trends to be similar to their family member’s (4). This has its root from imitating relationships’ activities (5). In the age between zero and six years old – the time for shaping chidren’s characteristic, they mainly communicate with family members (6). For example, my younger sibling is five years old now (7). She never helps her mother do housework because so does her father (8).

(1) a family àfamily
(2) OK
(3) almost parents à almost all parents / most parents
(4) have trends … à have a tendency t o …
(5) OK
(6) characteristic à character
(7) OK
(8) because her father does neither

Phạm Thị Ngọc Trâm

On the other hand, I side with those believe that other factors like music, television and friends influence the growth of children (1). Firstly, the television programmes really enhance children's knowledge (2). They provide knowledge in many fields such as animals, science and technology (3). That results in the development of children's mindset (4). Secondly, children's friends have a profound effect on the development of social skills (5). That children talking, going out and sharing their feeling with his friends will enable them to communicate and interact more with the surrounding (6). This is really good to enrich their social skills (7).

(1, 2, 3) OK
(4) That à This
(5) OK
(6) with his friends à with their friends (children – their)
surrounding à surroundings
(7) OK