Bài chữa 14/09/2015

NguyễnLiên

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that the government should invest in education(1). An education system is a vital factor for the development of any nation(2). The goverment should spend time and money to educate people the importance of knowledge(3). They can aslo provide resources such as modern equipment and flexible furniture for schools to meet the needs for a learning process(4). A well-educated system will result in a decrease in the rate of unemployment in the future(5). As a result, the number of lawbreakers will decrease(6). In Germany, people attending school couldnot pay any tuition fees(7). This means everybody is able to go to school, so Germany became a nation with the lowest level of jobless in the world(8).

(1, 2) OK
(3) government (spelling)
spend time and money on educating (spend sth on sth)
(4) also (spelling)
the learning process (wrong use of article)
(5) well-educated? àa good education system
(6) OK
(7) could not (spelling) à do not
(8) jobless people (jobless is an adjective)

LêThanhHà 

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that it is better to invest in healthcare.(1)Primarily, if we have more clinics, hospitals and laboratories invested in facilities and equipment, the new methods of treatment for some incurable diseases will have a chance to be found out.(2)This also helps to prevent the epidemic disease from spreading out.(3)In addition, when the service in caring health center is improved, the poor will receive a free treatment without anxiety about money.(4)Once the service is better than before, many people will take care of their own health.(5)They are likely to have monthly check-ups.(6)This contributes to the improvement of their cognition of health protection as well as their health.(7)

(1) OK
(2) invested à investing
new methods (wrong use of article)

Found out àfound
(3) epidemics (epidemic is already a noun + excessive use of article)
(4) health care centers
free treatments
(5, 6, 7) OK

Minh Hiền

 On the one hand, there are those who argue that the goverment should invest in healthcare (1). An investment in healthcare acts as a catalyst for developing country (2). People just work efficiently and provide good products for the development of country when there is a healthy body (3). The goverment should spend money to improve healthcare service system (4). They can build more hospital and clinics with modern medical equipment to care the health of people (5). A well-healthcare system will contribute to hinder jeopardy diseases, decrease mortality (6). In addtion, when the healthcare system is improved, the poor will get free medical treatment (7).

(1) government (spelling)
(2) country à countries
(3) the country (lack article)
(4) government (spelling)
spend money on improving
(5) hospitals (plural)
(6) A good healthcare system
hinder à hindering (contribute to doing sth)
decrease à decreasing (relative clause)
(7) addition (spelling)

Trần Hải Yến

On the one hand, I subscribe the view that the government should allocate the money for health care (1). This would help a growing number of patientshave access to medical services (2). Today, a large proportion of the population is suffering from cancer or other serious diseases due to toxic chemicals in contaminated water(3). Providing treatments for them is costly, so the hospitals need budgets to retain an adequate supply of medicines and to enhance the treatment facilities (4). In addition, the money gone to the health care could be used to search for  the cure of serious diseases such as Ebola and HIVAIDS (5). Thus, the number of people who die of them would decline considerably. (6)

(1) subscribe to the view (subscribe to an opinion)
money (excessive use of article)
(2,  3, 4) OK
(5) health care (excessive use of article)
(6) OK

Ngô Huy Đông

On the one hand, there are those who argue that the government should invest in education (1). This investment contributes to the development of the quality of education(2). Today students are more specialist in what they learn at school than before (3). Thus, they are likely to find a well-paid job after graduating from the University (4). Thank to reducing the level of unemployment, the rate of wrongdoers also falls as well(5). For example, students in Germany receive a free education from the government (6). This means that everybody can attend a class, so Germany is becoming a nation having the lowest unemployment rate in the world (7).

(1, 2) OK

(3) specialistà specialized
(4) university (no capital letter)
(5, 6, 7) OK

Vũ Minh Anh

There are several reasons why government should invest in healthcare.(1)
Firstly, a good healthcare system can help a larger people to achieve a long lifespan(2). Indeed, life expectancy in developing countries that have a modern healthcare system is higher than in poor countries.(3)
Secondly, healthcare effect on the quality of the labour force(4). This is because health plays an important role in the labour force of a nation(5). Accordingly, if employees who are not in good financial condition have more opportunities to enjoy a high standard of health services, they can be enough physical strength to achieve high productivity. (6)

(1) a government (lack article)
(2) a larger number of people
(3) than that in poor countries (comparison)
(4) healthcare has effects on
(5) OK
(6) they can be physically strong enough

LêQuangThanh 

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that the government should invest in education (1).An good education system playing an essential role in any countries provides people with a source of useful and general knowledge around their job and social life (2). Thus, they can find a job and earn money from these understandings to pay for their cost of living (3) .The rate of unemployment is also decreased significantly (4).This may result in mitigating the rate of potential criminals in the future (5).Therefore, the citizens of these countries can have a safer life to contribute their capacity to the development of these countries (6). As in the case of Germany, which is a developed country , has the lowest rate of unemployment worldwide, because almost all of people attending school could not pay any tuition fees (7).

(1) OK
(2) play en essential role in …, providing people with …
(3, 4, 5, 6) OK
(7) it has the lowest ...
worldwide à in the world
all of the people
could not à do not (revise use of model verbs)

Phạm Ngọc Trâm

One the one hand, there are those who argue that the goverment should invest in healthcare. (1)Primarily, the investment in healthcare will have a detrimental effect on people's longer life expectancy. (2) In the countries where the health system develop, the elder people have a longer lifespan than ones in developing and undeveloped countries. (3) In addition, the development of heathcare will give experienced doctors and professors a chance to work in hospitals with modern equipment. (4) This stimulates the way to deter the spread of contagious diseases. (5) Investing in the healthcare system means that the goverment takes care of the social welfare. (6) The have-nots will have a chance of approaching to the cure of their diseases (7).

(1) government (spelling)
(2) the investment àinvestment (excessive use of article)
(3) the health care system
in developing countries (developing is similar to poor already)
(4) healthcare services (spelling)
(5) the way à ways
(6) government (spelling)
(7) approaching the cure (approach sth)

HoàngKhánh 

Some people are of the opinion that a certain amount of money from government budget should be allocated for the development of the medical care (1). An investment in modern equipment, medicines and remedies not only helps those who under difficult conditions to have a chance to access medical treatment, but also hinders infectious diseases from spreading out (2). As a result, many lives can be saved, many people are cured from illnesses, and the average lifespan of citizens might be improved (3).

(1) OK
(2) who are under …
(3) OK

NguyễnDuyDũng

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that the government should invest in education (1). Investing in education can reduce unemployment (2). When the authority spends more money on the education system, this can make more children, who are previous labor force, broaden the sources of knowledge (3). Thus, they will have more opportunities to apply for a job in the future (4). As a result, the unemployed rate can remain at a low level (5). For example, my brother is now an accountant for a construction company after finishing his study in a college (6).

(1, 2) OK
(3) authority à authorities (plural)
who are previously in the labor force
(4) OK
(5) unemployed à unemployment
(6) OK

Chu PhươngNgân

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that the goverment should invest in healthcare (1). Firstly, a good healthcare system can prolong lifespan of people (2). Today, the government provides hospitals, clinics and laboratories with modern facilities and equipment (3). Therefore, a number of dangerous diseases can now be prevented instead of finding costly remedies (4). Thanks to medical advances, high-tech devices help us to detect the disease earlier than ever before (5). Furthermore, investing for healthcare also has significant effects on the economic development of a country (6). For instance, people who are cared for by reasonable environment and diet will be physically and mentally healthy (7). This will contribute to the invaluable human resource and cater for the social benefits of each country (8).

(1) the government (spelling)
(2, 3, 4, 5) OK
(6) investing in
(7, 8) OK

HoàngYến Chi 

One the other hand, several other people claim that the national budget should prioritize education. (1) Firstly, the investment in education makes the dream of going to school of more people come true. (2) If there are subsidies from the government, parents will pay less money for the study of their children. (3) As a result, children from have-nots families might go to school like their peers. (4) Secondly, a good education system leads to the development of the country. (5) When studying in a modern environment with adequate learning facilities, students will achieve more knowledge for their job in the future. (6) Therefore, they can contribute more effectively to the country. (7) Today, most of developed countries have a strong education system, as in the case of America. (8)

(1) OK
(2) investment (excessive use of article)
(3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) OK

NghiêmTùngSơn 

On the one hand, there are those who argue that the government should invest in health care (1). First, we can enhance human longevity through contributing to health protection (2). It is undeniable that there are still many incurable diseases (3). Therefore, it is necessary to spend money on medical experiments (4). Hence, this is hugely beneficial to the health of people (5). Second, money that is tied up in medical can control the spread of diseases such as respiratory illnesses or foodborne illnesses (6). Today, more people are travelling than ever before (7). However, the lack of health facilities is easy to see in many places in the world (8). So, illnesses may be transmitted rapidly from person to person if we do not have enough indispensable services, as in the case of Ebola (9).

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5) OK
(6) medical àmedical care (medical is only an adjective)
(7) OK
(8) to see à to be seen (passive voice)
(9) So à Therefore (informal)

PhùngQuangĐại

On the one hand, there are those who argue that the government should invest in education (1). The investment contributes to the development of the quality of education (2). This helps students are likely to study a growing number of knowledge, so it is easy for them to seek an opportunity to find a well-paid job (3). Thus, this results in a reduction in the level of unemployment (4). For instance, with free education, Germany is one of countries that have the lowest unemployment rate in the world (5). In addition, the investment is likely to help a large number of students who reside remote areas to go to school (6).

(1) OK
(2) The à This
(3) this helps students be likely to study a growing amount of knowledge (help + infinitive V; knowledge is uncountable)
(4) OK
(5) one of the countries (lack article)
(6) who reside in remote areas

HoàngPhươngLinh

On the other hand, I side with those who believe that the government should give financial support to education(1). Inadequate education produces high costs for society in terms of public spending and crime(2). Investing more widely in education provides individuals with a source of general knowledge(3). If a nation have educated people, they are likely to find a well-paid job(4). As the result, the rate of unemployment will decrease(5). Thanks to having a stable job, citizens tend to be lawful(6). Students in Germany receive a free education from the government, for instance(7). So Germany unemployment rate is currently low(8)

(1, 2, 3, 4, 5) OK
(6) lawful à tend to obey the law (check the meaning of ‘lawful’)
(7) OK
(8) So à Therefore (informal)
Germany à Germany’s (possession)

TạNgọcThạch 

On the other hand, I side with those who agree that the government should invest more in education (1). Firstly, the quality of teaching and learning can be improved if more money is spent on education (2). More class facilities such as projectors, computers and laboratories can be equipped and therefore, more teachers and students will have access to them (3). As a result, teaching and learning is faster and more effective because students can practice more (4). Hence, student will face fewer difficulties when they work in the future (5). Secondly, investing in education means the tuition fees are reduced and more people will be able to learn in schools, colleges or universities (6). This not only increases the number of well-trained workforce of the country but also reduces the number of unemployments (7).

(1, 2) OK
(3) class à classroom
(4) are faster (plural)
(5, 6) OK
(7) workforce à labors
the level of unemployment (unemployment is uncountable)

Dương Minh Đức

On the one hand, there are those who argue that the government should spend money for education. (1) Firstly, education improve the human’s life.(2) If school systems are invested, learning equipment will be better. (3) As a result, students can have good conditions for practicing as well as do their researches. (4) Their research achievements will solve problems of human, and helps them get a better life. (5) For example, my laboratory that is invested money for buying server and networking device last year was have enough devices to experiment a new network solution. (6) And now, that solution is implementing widely. (7) Secondly, government investments in education systems will decrease the crime proportion. (8) Money form the government can make the decrease in tuition flees that can help more people reach education opportunities. (9) Educated people can have better change to get a work and not make some serious mistakes that will lead them to a crime. (10)

(1) OK
(2) the human’s à humans’
(3) OK
(4) doing their researches
(5) human àhuman beings
(6) my lab invested money in buying server and network devices last year, so now we have enough devices to experiment a new network solution
(7) being implemented (passive)
(8) from (spelling)
make à lead to a decrease (lack article)

That can help … à , helping
reach à approach
(10) change à a better chance (spelling, lack article)
work à job
to not make some serious mistakes …