Family has the most powerful influence on a
child's development (1). Firstly, the development of a child's physical depends on the
financial condition of the family
(2). A affluent family affords to buy the food with a high
nutritional value for their child
(3). Thus, a child in that will develop physical better
than a child in a indigent family
(4). Secondly, a child's behaviour is influced on the
behaviour of the family (5). When living in a hormonious family, they will learn how to behave
correctly with everyone (6). Whereas, in a inharmonious family, a child tends to violent with
people (7).
(1) OK
(2) physical à the physical development of a child (physical
is an adjective)
(3) the food à foods
a high nutritional value à high nutritional values
(4) in that family
develop à will be physically better
an indigent
(5) influced on à influenced by
(6) hormonious? àharmonious (revise meaning)
(7) whereas à meanwhile (there’s no comma after whereas)
Ngô Huy Đông
On the other hand, I side with those who
believe that several factors such as television, friends and music affect the
development of a child (1).
Firstly, we have some fascinating Tv programs
such as Discovery Channel and reality television series for children (2). Those programs
provide a huge source of knowledge about the environment around them, so they
can learn many things while watching television (3).
Secondly, music is likely to help children
improve the language (4). When they listen to music, they tend to imitate sounds quickly and
accurately (5). Thus, the children might learn how to pronounce and this help to
improve the sources of vocabulary is more diverse (6).
Finally, friends help them to develop social
skills (7).
They can make conversations with each other while they spend time chatting with
their friends (8).
(1) several factors,
such as television, friends and music, affecting … (wrong use of relative
clause)
(2) programs à channels (Discovery Channel is a ‘channel’,
not a ‘program’)
(3) OK
(4) the language àlanguage skills
(5) OK
(6) the children àchildren
the sources of vocabulary is more diverse à the sources of vocabulary (two verbs in the same sentence)
(7) OK
(8) OK
Trần Thị
Hải Yến
On the other hand, I side with those who claim
that other factors such as television, music and friends also have profound
influences on the development of a child (1). Primarily, television is a valuable source of
information for children (2). By watching Discovery Channel, they can acquire new knowledge about
the life of wild animals (3). In addition, music helps children to stimulate the language skills (4). When children listen
to a song, they have tendency to imitate the rhythm and lyrics (5). As the result, their
pronunciation and lexical resource would be improved considerably (6). Furthermore,
socializing with friends plays an important role on developing the social
skills of children (7). A child who rarely relate to his peers often lack in essential skills
such as teamwork and communication skills in the future (8).
(1) other factors, such as … and friends, (use comma before such as)
(2, 3) OK
(4) the language skills à language skills or their language skills
(5) tendency à a tendency (tendency is countable)
(6) OK
(7) plays an important role on à an important role in
the social skills à social skills
(8) relate à relates
lack in à lacks (S-V agreement, lack sth)
Minh Hiền
Familise have the most powerful influence on a
child's development (1). Firstly, the behaviour's family has a profound effect on a child's
behaviour (2).
A happy family is the foundation of the child's obedient (3). In contrast, a
unhappy family means that parents are always fighting each other, a child tends
to violent with everyone (4). Secondly, the financial condition of the family influences a child's
development (5). The haves afford to create the conditions for the child's development (6). For example, a child
living in an affluent family will be provided the source of nutritive better
than one living in a indigent family
(7).
(1) families
(2) the behavior of a family
(3) the child’s obedient à a child’s obedience
(4) fighting against each other
then a child tends to be violent …
(5) OK
(6) revise the whole sentence. Wrong spelling. Can’t understand what you want
to say.
(7) will be provided with a better source of nutrition (provide sb with sth)
an indigent
Phùng
Quang Đại
On the one hand, there are those who argue
that a family has a profound effect on the development of a child (1). Firstly, the
physical development depends on the financial conditions of a family (2). An affluent family
is likely to provide more good nutrition for a child than an indigent one (3). Therefore, it is
more confident for a child who is in prosperous family to increase the height
and the weight than the destitute one (4). Secondly, a family has the powerful influence
on the behaviour development of a child (5). For instance, a child living in a family
whose members brawl each other has more tendency to develop violent behaviour
as in the case of my brother’s family (6).
(1) a family àfamily
(2) the financial conditions à financial conditions
(3) OK
(4) it is more confident à it is more likely
in a prosperous (lack article ‘a’)
the height and the weight à height and weight
(5) the powerful influence à a powerful influence
(6) has more tendency à has a higher tendency (tendency is countable)
behavior à behaviors
Lê Thanh Hà
On the one hand, there are those who agree
that a family has a profound effect on the development of a child (1). Firstly, the physical
development of children depends on the finances of their families (2). They will be
comprehensively brought up by their parents (3). For example, if a child lives with an
affluent family, he will be cared for in nutrients much better than one living
in an indigent family (4). Secondly, families pave the way for the behaviour of children (5). Children have the
tendency to imitate what they see
(6). For instance, if their parents are always fighting
with each other, the children tend to show violent actions (7). In contrast, one
child knows how to treat people living around as a result of the happy family
in which all of the members of the family live in harmony (8).
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5) OK
(6) the tendency à a tendency
(7) OK
(8) a happy family
Đoàn Thủy
On the other hand, I side with those believe
that the child-rearing is mostly impacted by the family (1). Firstly, the
physical heath of a child depends on the financial condition of each family (2). For example, the
diet of children born in affluent families are often more nutritious than that
of who lives in the have-nots (3). Secondly, families have a profound influence on children's behavior (4). Children who live
with harmonious relationship among family members tend to behave properly while
the others who find themselves in conflict with family relation are often
violent (5).
(1) OK
(2) OK
(3) is often more nutritious (the diet … is)
(4) behaviors
(5) the others àothers
family relation à their families
Nguyễn Liên
On the other hand, there are those who argue
that families have profound effects on the development of a child (1). Firstly, the
behaviour of a child depends on family members' manners (2). Children tend to
copy gestures and conversations from their parents (3). As the result, a
family whose members get on with each other is highly beneficial to the
awareness of a child (4). Secondly, families have a profound impact on the physical development
of a child (5). It is not surprising that children from wealthy families might be in
a better condition to develop the physique than from the indigent (6). This means a child
might be provided nutrition for the body in the best way (7).
(1, 2, 3) OK
(4) as the result à as a result
(5) OK
(6) than those from indigent families
(7) a child’s body
Dương
Minh Đức
On the one hand, there are those who argue
that child development is mostly influenced by their family (1). Firstly, the
physical growth of a child is decided by what they eat and drink every day (2). These food is
brought base on finance development of their family (3). An example is
parents living under red line can not buy enough food for their children (4). As a result, their
son will not healthy like sons of affluent people (5). Secondly, one’s behavior is considerably
affected by members of his family
(6). To be more specific, some researches showed that: a
child tent to act exactly the same thing that his parent do (7). For example, a child
living under domestic violence would seem savage when growing up (8).
(1) a child’s
development
by his family (a child --- their)
(2) OK
(3) these foods are bought based on the financial development …
(4) under the red line
cannot
(5) will not be healthy
(6) OK
(7) some researches show that a child tends to act the same as what his parents
do
(8) OK
Lê Quang Thanh
There are several factors that the family
affects a child’s development (1). Firstly, the physical development of a child depends on the family’s
condition (2).
The condition economics of affluent families are better than that of indigent
families (3).
Thus, the child who lives in the haves has been taken better care of full
nutrition than that of the have- nots (4). This will make the child stronger and heavier (5). Secondly, the
behavior of family’s members have an influence on the behavior of a child (6). The child who was
born and grew up in the good education of a family tends to develop their
positive behaviors (7). However, the child living in the conflict family with each other will
show violent actions (8).
(1) family
(2) OK
(3) the economic condition … is better (economic is an adjective)
(4) taken à received
(5) OK
(6) behaviors (plural)
(7) A child … in good education provided by his family
(8) a child living in a family whose members have conflicts with each other
Nguyễn
Duy Dũng
On the one hand, there are those who argue
that the development of children can be significantly affected by the family (1). Firstly, the growth
of a child depends on the finance condition of the family (2). If parents have high
incomes, their children will be provided more nutritious food (3). Thus, the children
of affluent families tend to be healthier than those of indigent households (4). Secondly, the family
members can influence to children’s personality (5). Children often tend to imitate the manner of
their parents (6). For example, when a child lives in the family that parents have the
standard of behaviors, they are likely to have good behavior and attitudes (7).
(1) family
(2) the financial condition (finance is not an adjective)
(3) will be provided with (provide sb with sth)
(4) OK
(5) family members
can influence children’s personality
(6) OK
(7) a family in which/where parents …
good behaviors (plural)
Hoàng Yến
Chi
On the other hand, I side with the people
claim that other factors like music, television and friends influence the
growth of a child (1). Firstly, television programmes enrich the knowledge of a child (2). There are several
programmes about the natural world, fun science that lend themselves to
children (3).
By watching television, children may achieve other learning that teachers do
not teach them at school (4). Secondly, it is believed that music develops the children’s language
ability (5).
While listen to a song, they tend to mimic and memory the lyric (6). Therefore, they may
learn new words and improve their listening skill (7). Lastly, friends have a huge effect on a
child’s characteristics (8). Today, children spend more time with friends than with their parents (9). If they play and
study with good friends, they tend to have correct behavior (10).
(1) with people
claiming/who claim that (wrong use of article and relative clause)
(2, 3) OK
(4) children may acquire other knowledge (wrong use of ‘learning’)
(5) children’s language ability (wrong use of article ‘the’)
(6) while listening (while + clause/ V-ing)
the lyrics (plural)
(7) OK
(8) characteristics à character
(9, 10) OK
Hoàng Phương Linh
On the other hand, it seems to me that
families factor tend to have dominant effect on a child-rearing (1). Firstly, the
financial condition of the family is evidently crucial for the physical
development of a child (2). That an affluent family affords to buy nutrient-rich foods allows
their children healthier and stronger than an indigent’s ones (3). Secondly, parent’s
habits and attitudes contribute accidentally to their offspring’s behavior (4). Children who live in
a harmonious family will have good behavior (5). Conversely, if children live with parents who
are often fighting each other, they tend to violent to be violent people (6).
(1) families à family
dominant effect à dominant effects
a child-rearing àchild-rearing
(2) OK
(3) allows their children to be healthier (allow sb to do sth)
than an indigent’s ones à than those from indigent ones
(4) accidentally contribute
(5) behavior (behaviors)
(6) fighting against each other
tend to become violent people
Ngô Thị
Tố Uyên
On the other hand. I side with those believe
that the child - rearing is motly impacted the family (1).
Fistly, the physical development of children
depends on the finances of their families (2). For example , a child living in a affuent
family will be provided the source of nutritive better than that of who lives
in the have – nots (3). Secondly, the behaviour of a child will be created by the behaviour
of family's members (4). When a child living in a peace home, they will have property behavio
ur (5).
Contrary, if their parient are always fithty with each other, the children tend
to show violent actions (6).
(1) the child-rearing àchild-rearing
impacted by the family
(2) OK
(3) an affluent
will be provided with a source of nutrition
(4) his family’s members
(5) peace à peaceful
will have proper behaviors
(6) On the contrary
parents
fighting
Tạ Ngọc
Thạch
On the other hand, I side with those who
believe that other factors, such as TV, music and friends, have bigger effects
on a child’s development (1). Firstly, TV plays an important role in enlarging a child’s knowlegde (2). For example,
educational TV channels might provide a child with information about
phenomenons and stuffs around the world (3). Secondly, music affects a child’s development
of language (4). While listening to a song, a child can sing along and know more words
in the lyrics (5). Finally, friends have huge effects on a child’s development of social
skills (6).
Today, children tend to spend more time to talk and play with their friends
rather than with their parents, so their peers may teach them more about the
surrounding environment (7). This help a child learn how to communicate and interact with other
children (8).
(1, 2) OK
(3) ‘stuffs’ should be obliterated (informal)
(4, 5, 6) OK
(7) spend more time talking and playing (spend time doing sth)
(8) help à helps
Trần
Hoàng Khánh
Some
people are of the opinion that the impacts of families stand out as being more
crucial on the development of a child than the rest (1). Firstly, the
financial conditions of the family play an important role in how a child is
brought up (2). Children in affluent families are inherited a better child-rearing
with regard to the comprehensive education and nutrition than the others who
was born in indigent families (3). Secondly, the behaviour of members in the family have significant
effects of forming child's habits and personality (4). For instance, children living in a happy
family tend to have proper behaviours when communicating with people around in
comparison with their peer living in a family where conflicts regularly happens
between members (5).
(1) some people are
for the opinion that …
(2) the family à a family
(3) who were born
(4) effects on forming a child’s habits … (to have an effect on sth/wrong use
of article ‘the’)
(5) peer à peers
happens à happen
Nghiêm Tùng Sơn
On the other hand, I side with those believe
that families have the most powerful influence on child’s development (1). Primarily, families
have a significant impact on the physical growth of the children (2). Only when parents
have the sufficient source of income can they afford to buy enough nutritious
food (3). To be
more specific, because of the indigent life in many African countries, Africa
is the area that has the highest rate of malnutrition in children in the world (4). In addition,
children’s behavior can be formed through the family life (5). Children are in the
habit of aping the grown-ups (6). Therefore, family members, who are the closest people to children,
are the most effective example for them (7).
(1) on a child’s
development
(2) OK
(3)have a sufficient source of income
food à foods
(4, 5, 6, 7) OK
Vu Minh
Anh:
There are several benefits of things that
social factor such as TV, music and friends impact on a child's development (1).
Fristly, TV can help a child explore their
knowledge (2).
For example, a child normally like watching wide world on TV that will teach
them about animal life (3).
Secondly, music plays an importance to develop
childrend's language (4). This is because, childrend often sing to imitate singers when they
listening music (5). Thus, they can learn vocabulary and pronunciation (6).
(1) several benefits
that social factors …
impact a child’s development (to impact sth/ to have an impact on sth)
(2) OK
(3) normally likes (a child)
wide world à wildlife?
(4) plays an important role in developing …
(5) this is because children often sing … when they listen (no comma after
because / wrong use of present tense)
(6) OK
Đặng
Tuyết Trinh
On the other hand, there are those who agree
that a family has a profound effect on the development of a child (1). Firstly, the
physical development of children depends on the financial of their families (2). An affluent family
will provide more nutrients for children than indigent family (3). Secondly, children's
behavior condition on the behavior of family members (4). Children are always
learning for what they see (5). The children living in peace families would be better than the
children living in disagreement families (6).
(1) a family àfamily
(2) financial àfinancial conditions
(3) than an indigent one
(4) OK
(5) always learn from (‘are always learning’ has a negative meaning)
(6) peace à peaceful
in families with many disagreements
Trần
Linh
On the other hand, there are those who argue
that a family has a profound effect on a child (1). Firstly, families have a significant impact
on the physical growth of the children (2). In order to bring up their sons or daughters,
almost parents sacrifice a part of their income for buying milk, food and
clothes (3).
Besides, children’s behaviors have trends to be similar to their family
member’s (4).
This has its root from imitating relationships’ activities (5). In the age between
zero and six years old – the time for shaping chidren’s characteristic, they
mainly communicate with family members (6). For example, my younger sibling is five years
old now (7). She
never helps her mother do housework because so does her father (8).
(1) a family
àfamily
(2) OK
(3) almost parents
à almost all parents / most parents
(4) have trends …
à have a tendency t o …
(5) OK
(6) characteristic
à character
(7) OK
(8) because her father does neither
Phạm Thị
Ngọc Trâm
On the other hand, I side with those believe
that other factors like music, television and friends influence the growth of
children (1).
Firstly, the television programmes really enhance children's knowledge (2). They provide
knowledge in many fields such as animals, science and technology (3). That results in the
development of children's mindset
(4). Secondly, children's friends have a profound effect
on the development of social skills
(5). That children talking, going out and sharing their
feeling with his friends will enable them to communicate and interact more with
the surrounding (6). This is really good to enrich their social skills (7).
(1, 2, 3) OK
(4) That à This
(5) OK
(6) with his friends à with their friends (children – their)
surrounding à surroundings
(7) OK
